Baby, Me, and Thee
by Yami Ryo
Summary: Tony brought home a baby from space! The baby has taken to America and so he adopts the cute baby. Unfortunately the baby took to Russia as well. Now Russia insists they play the happy little family, will this be the disaster America thinks it will? (discontinued)


Warning: yaoi, romantic crap, human names, and violence.

Pairing: Russia/America

Summary: Tony brought home a baby from space! The baby has taken to America and so he adopts the cute baby. Unfortunately the baby took to Russia as well. Now Russia insists they play the happy little family, will this be the disaster America thinks it's going to be?

Disclaimer: Yami Ryo does not own Hetalia.

**Chapter One: He's Not Yours!  
**

America hummed happily as he kneaded the dough in his hands. It was pizza night and he was making some home made pizza for himself and Tony, whenever the short alien decided to come out of the basement.

"Nyaaa!" Came a sudden, loud, happy sound; causing him to jerk in surprise and turn around. He scanned the room with his eyes, searching for the source of the sound and saw nothing out of the ordinary.

"I must be imagining things..." America mumbled to himself uncertainly, turning back to the pizza dough and working it on the counter into a flat circle. America suddenly felt something touch his leg and looked down. What he saw shocked him so much he completely froze. Sitting next to his leg was a small, adorable baby. The baby had soft blond hair with one stray cowlick, bright wide violet eyes, soft pale peach skin, and wore blue overalls with a blue hat that had rabbit ears attached.

"Mama!" The baby squealed happily, holding his little arms out for America to pick him up. America hesitated for a moment before picking up the tiny child.

"Where on Earth did you come from?" America asked the small baby, cradling it gently in his arms. The baby giggled happily and snuggled into his arms; America smiled softly at the adorableness of it.

"He's not from Earth." Tony's familiar voice snapped in annoyance as the lanky grey alien entered the room. America looked at him in confusion for a moment.

"If he's not from Earth, where did you get him?" America inquired curiously. Tony sighed and sat at the table to begin his tale of woe.

"Those fuckers at the federation decided to dump the little ankle-biter on me because his home planet was recently destroyed. He's the last of his species. Coincidentally his species is so similar to humans that the federation decided that I was the best care-taker for it cause I interact with you humans on a daily basis. I can't get rid of him now because, technically, he's an endangered species." Tony explained, annoyed and frustrated. America looked down at the little baby in his arms, tears gathering in his eyes.

"He's all alone?" America asked, sniffling and holding back tears as his voice wobbled. Tony panicked slightly and the little baby in America's arms looked up at America in worry.

"Son of a bitch! Don't cry!" Tony cried in protest.

"Mama?" The little baby cooed, rubbing America's cheeks concernedly. America smiled at the adorable little baby.

"It's okay, I'll take care of you." America promised; Tony sighed in relief, collapsing forward onto the table.

"Thank the multiverse. I thought I would have to convince you for a second." Tony groaned. America shook his head at his best friend with a small grin.

"You know I'm always willing to help you out Tony," America responded. "By the way what's his name?" Tony paused thoughtfully.

"He didn't come with one, so I guess you can name him." Tony replied easily with a shrug of his shoulders. America beamed down at the little baby.

"Would you like me to name you little one?" America cooed, nuzzling the small baby's face. The baby giggled and hugged America's neck happily.

"Daa!" The baby squealed joyfully; America chuckled.

"Alright, how about the name Ipo? It means sweetheart, or beloved, in Hawaiian." America told the small creature in his arms; the baby clapped happily and kissed America's cheek. "Ipo it is then. Ipo Justice Jones." Tony sighed and got up.

"Well the little stink pot is yours now. Let me know when the pizza is ready." Tony said, turning away and walking out of the room.

"Um, Okay I guess." America said a little uncertainty before turning back to Ipo. Ipo smiled brightly at America and he felt his insides turn to mush at the adorable expression. "Wanna help me make a pizza Ipo?" Ipo clapped his hands excitedly.

"Nyaa! Mama jai gaa." Ipo replied excitedly. America chuckled at the baby babble and brought Ipo to the sink to wash his little hands.

"Okay so this is Anya; be careful with her because Ipo can't sleep without her." America told the two secret service agents standing in front of him as he handed them a stuffed white rabbit. One agent held the baby in his arms and the other had a huge diaper bag in her own arms as they listened intently to America's instructions. "You have to watch him carefully because he likes getting into everything. His nap time is at one. So don't let him sleep before then and make sure he doesn't sleep past two. He doesn't like loud noises; so don't yell and don't let anything loud go off." The agents nodded in understanding for each of the instructions. America looked at the pouting, teary-eyed Ipo and almost crumbled. He reached out and took Ipo into his arms, hugging the little baby and kissing his cheek. "I'm so sorry Ipo. I would stay and play with you all the time if I could, but my boss wants me to go to a silly meeting. Mama will be back soon though and I'll take you to the park, okay?" America tried to compromise, snuggling the child.

"Nooo! Mama!" Ipo wailed, holding as tight as he could to America's shirt. America sniffled back tears of his own; it would be the first time in three months that America was apart from Ipo, even if it was only for a few hours. America already felt lonely and he had not even gone yet.

"I'm so sorry Ipo. I'll be back as soon as I can. I promise, I love you so much Ipo. Now be a good boy for Mr. Dale and Ms. Spencer." America told the baby tearfully. Mr. Dale sighed and took the baby back from America, even as the baby protested, wailing and flailing his little arms out trying to reach for America. America sniffled and wiped away the beginnings of tears.

"There you are Sir!" Someone called from the door. America turned in surprise to see his boss's secretary, George, standing in the doorway, angrily holding his briefcase. "You have to get to the meeting now!" George stomped over to him and dragged him out of the room by the arm.

"Bye Ipo! I love you!" America called, following after the angry secretary. "Lighten up George! Can't I have a few more minutes?"

"You asked for a few more minutes an hour ago! You need to go now!" George responded, frustrated. "Ipo will be fine but world affairs won't if you don't get your keaster down there!" America pouted at him, grumbling under his breath as he was dragged away from his sweet little baby. George handed America the briefcase and pushed him into the meeting room where the other nations were waiting.

"Hey wait I forgot-" America tried to protest.

"NO! Meeting NOW!" George screamed, slamming the door shut and walking away. America pouted at the door, hugging the briefcase.

"I just wanted to tell you that he likes apple sauce for snack time..." America mumbled pitifully at the door.

"America where the bloody hell were you?" England snarled.

"Language!" America snapped automatically without thinking, used to yelling at random teenagers at the park for coarse language. All the other nations stared at him in shock, absolutely baffled by the outburst. America turned to face them and laughed sheepishly. "Sorry. Um, never mind that; let's just get on with the meeting." The other nations were reluctant, but began the meeting.

The entire meeting, America tapped his foot impatiently and hit anyone that side tracked the meeting, so desperate he was to get back to Ipo. The other nations were very suspicious of what was going on with America. Suddenly, there was a loud banging on the door that interrupted the meeting. America got up and was going to answer the door when it flew open and Ms. Spencer and Mr. Dale burst into the room, looking panicked.

"Sir! We have a problem!" Ms. Spencer shouted, her voice high-pitched and jittery.

"Big problem! BIG problem!" Mr. Dale cried, leaning on the door frame, out of breath. America's eyes widened and he rushed over to them.

"What do you mean? What problem? Where is Ipo?" America demanded.

"That's the problem Sir! We lost him! We are so sorry!" Ms. Spencer confessed. America glared at them in utter rage.

"You did WHAT? !" America roared furiously. "You two are so fucking fired it's not even funny! If anything happens to him I'll have you hanged or something!" He stormed past them. "Ipo! Ipo honey where are you?" America cried, running out of the room to search for his little Ipo. The other nations were shocked, they had never seen America this way before.

"Pardon me, but might I ask what is going on with Jones-san?" Japan asked the two agents, very worried about his friend's strange behavior. Ms. Spencer and Mr. Dale looked at Japan uncertainly.

"I am sorry Sir, but that information is classified." Mr. Dale replied leaving the room quickly to help America in his search.

"We have some work to do, so bye." Ms. Spencer said, quickly following after him. England groaned slamming his head against the table and Germany let out a frustrated sigh.

"We shall continue this meeting tomorrow as it seems America is far too distracted to do anything." Germany announced. Italy and Poland cheered, running away quickly just in case Germany changed his mind. As the nations filed out of the room to go back to the hotel, Russia decided that he was going to go find America and ask him what was going on. As he roamed the halls, he could not help but feel that he was being watched.

"Yaaaan!" A loud happy voice squealed, causing Russia to turn around quickly and look around for the source. Russia was so used to looking down at other people that it was easy for him to spot the little baby just a few feet away from him, crawling on the floor. The baby crawled towards him with a bright happy smile on his little face. "Ga ba naa!" The baby squealed. Russia reached down and picked the baby up by the leg and lifting it so that he could see it properly.

"Chto takoe rebenok zdesʹ delaete?" Russia questioned softly. The baby giggled happily as Russia held him in front of his face upside down.

"Papa!" The baby cried reaching out for him, surprising Russia greatly.

"Papa?" Russia asked incredulously.

"Ipo!" America's familiar voice cried, causing Russia to look over at America who was running towards them with an angry expression. "Russia what the hell is wrong with you?" America demanded, carefully taking Ipo into his arms and holding him properly. "Where the hell did you learn to hold a baby?" America snarled before he turned to face Ipo, his face melting into a kind loving expression. "Oh Ipo are you okay? Did the bad man hurt you?" America cooed worried.

"Mama nya Papa!" Ipo cried excitedly, pointing animatedly to Russia. America looked over at Russia in shock.

"Papa? !" America cried out in disbelief. "No, no Ipo he's not your Papa." America tried to convince the tiny child, only for the boy to pout at him.

"No Mama, Papa." Ipo said seriously, holding America's cheeks and looking him dead in the eyes.

"Mama?" Russia questioned, looking at America in amusement. America blushed and Ipo nodded happily.

"Mama!" Ipo cooed, kissing America's cheek and then holding his arms out to Russia. "Papa!" America held Ipo closer to himself protectively.

"You stay away from my baby!" America warned, glaring at Russia as though it were his fault the baby was calling him 'Papa'. Russia looked at the baby thoughtfully, then at America.

"Baby looks very much like both of us. I could be 'Papa'? Where did you get this baby?" Russia asked him suspiciously. America glared harder.

"It's none of your business where he came from; he's my child." America snapped angrily. Russia smiled sinisterly.

"Child is mine as well, did you not hear? He calls me 'papa'." Russia pointed out cheerfully, his smile getting creepy. "Perhaps we should spend time together like real family." Russia said more than suggested. America stared at him in disbelief.

"NO! You are not his father and have no right to come anywhere near us!" America protested, spinning on his heel and beginning to walk away.

"Papa!" Ipo cried in dismay, noticing that Russia was not going with them. Russia grinned and took this opportunity to begin walking beside America.

"Ah, but child believes I am Papa. You would not take your child away from his Papa would you?" Russia asked, knowing instantly that he hit a nerve when America froze.

"B-but you're not really..." America trailed off when he looked down at Ipo, who was looking at him with such puppy-eyes he instantly caved. "FINE! But the moment you do anything cruel or suspicious you can forget about ever going near my Ipo again!" America snarled at Russia furiously. Russia grinned widely and slipped at hand around America's waist; America stiffened in his arm.

"I would not dream of it." Russia told him in his creepiest voice; America glared at him suspiciously.

"Somehow I doubt that." America replied with a sigh. Ipo squealed happily, clapping in his arms. "The things I do for you Ipo." America sighed.

TBC...

Yami Ryo: Thanks to my beta akuoni.


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